Feeling Remorse for What I Will be Giving Up.

It began last night, the second guessing “am I making the right decision?” The dread of knowing I can never have any ice cream or sugar used in anything I eat. Wondering how long it will be before I tire of eating the same thing day in and day out for the rest of my life. The thought of never enjoying a Margareta or a rum and coke at an occasional celebration made me really feel like the loser that school kids called me many years ago.  I questioned my decision, asking myself, “Why can’t I lose weight?”” Why am I so different than all the countless others who do what I do but get results?” It surely does make me feel like a failure since I am unable to do this without surgery.

Then, I began questioning the type of surgery I chose. Should I do VGS since I can go back to eating normally after a few months and I could still enjoy all the foods of life like every other human?

As, I woke up still pondering my thoughts and questioning my decision, I was listening to the Sunday morning news and one of the doctors discussing health issues went on to talk about how Americans are given too many pharmaceuticals, blah, blah, blah, but then he said no all pharmaceuticals are bad, for instance heart meds since hypertension is the silent killer, then he said diabetes. He said no doctor likes to know his patient has diabetes because it has so many downfalls and complications a patient can have to shorten their life, hamper their quality of life, and so on.

That is when the light bulb went back on in my head. BINGO! That is why I chose RNY surgery over VGS in the first place. I wanted the 95% chance of my diabetes being gone. It reminded me to not feel like loser or failure, but to realize, that I am not like many others. I am older, I am diabetic, and as my doctor told me in the past, diabetes will prevent me from losing weight. It will fight against me.

I now feel confident in my decision to have RNY and I welcome leading a more active and enjoyable lifestyle without all the foods I cannot have anyway as a diabetic, but with a future filled with better health and not having to worry about all the problems associated with diabetes.

I think having these thoughts is very normal, this is a big step. RNY is a life altering decision. It is not something to take lightly, but the results far out-weigh what not having it done can do to my life. I am no longer second guessing my choice.