Keeping my eyes fixed on full recovery.

As I am getting thinner I have noticed that sleeping again on my sides is becoming a problem as it did when I first tried to sleep on my sides. It is true the extreme soreness is finally gone, but it is still sore in the deep tissue. Now that I am thinning around my abdomen I can feel my ribs again when I poke my body with my finger. The problem now is I do not have the fat support to protect my side when I lay on it. Not to mention my belly still sags as it did immediately following my C-section. I was hopeful that I would not need a tummy tuck, but the C-section is so saggy that it appears I will need to have it done at a later point to support my muscles and abdomen again.

I still have sharp pains on my insides in the general area where my rny broke loose and leaked. It still hurts to take a deep breath and my incisions are still rather deep pink and purple.

One thing that has changed about me since having the surgery is realizing how short life can be. I was awake one moment telling the nurse inserting my pic line that I wasn’t feeling quite right to seeing all black and white lights that then begin to spin and then I was code blue. Not breathing, no heat beat, my life was over in a flash until I recall hearing music in my head and my mind feeling so peaceful and relaxed. I wasn’t aware of my surroundings or feeling any pain, I felt a jerk and someone pulling my arms and calling my name. Then it all became real when I opened my eyes and I fell back against the bed, my head was forced up and a doctor was holding an oxygen mask on me, the room was full of doctors and nurses out into the hallway. As the doctor began to ask me questions and they did an x-ray and continued oxygen, I was happy to hear I was a code blue full resuscitate.

Yes, I was alive to see another day, but I was changed. With the crucial immediate healing behind me and working towards full recovery I have more of an urgency to want to complete my bucket list.  I have always put things off that I really wanted to do for another day. I would make a sacrifice so others could have more, but I don’t want to be on my death bed someday full of regret for all the things I never did that I always wanted to do. 

This new year my husband and I will strive to get our business off the ground so the rewards will eventually pay off and I can knock off the items on my bucket list one at a time.