Honest Thoughts and Ramblings

One thing about having had this fistula . . . I know I am still scared to really eat much and anything to strong in flavor. I mix my protein shake with a little milk so it's not to thick either. I only eat an ounce at a time about every hour. I still hurt and when I do too much, which isn't much at all.

I get chills like I am cold. It's something I have always gotten when I have trauma or severe pain. I take my pain medicine to help me relax through it. I figure by how I feel now I am about 6 weeks from feeling better enough to go places again.  So far I only go from the bedroom to the kitchen. I am still sleeping in the recliner we brought into the bedroom. I cannot sit up or lay back without it as my stomach cannot handle the pain.

I fear springing a leak again more than anything and then I also fear the what if it starts leaking again but stays on the inside. I weigh myself every day to make sure I am not leaking on the inside and gaining weight. I know some of this may all sound paranoid but then again you may be worrying about the same things.

With the complications I began doubting my surgeon. Well, I was already doubting him before I had the second surgery to fix the first surgery. I didn't feel like I was good when I was released from the hospital, but I wanted to board the plane and come home so if I at least died, I died in the US near my family rather than alone in Mexico.

Once home I was healing fine until one day I started with a small leak from 2 of my incisions. I didn't know if I had caused the leak by massaging some of the hard spots on my left side. They were like hard lumps that hurt and pushed against my ribs. So I massaged them a bit in hope's they would go away. I also wondered if I had pulled it apart by getting up and down from my chair. Now, I wonder if it's just the doctors hurrying and not taking extra time to sew us up right in the first place.Sort of like a puppy mill for surgery.

I received my first notice from our insurance asking us if there is a third party they can go after and for me to describe what happened. The first one is from my local hospital who did the cat scan and transported me to Houston and this bill is over 11,000. I sure hope our insurance pays for it.
I hate to see the bill from Houston after spending 10 days in the hospital.